Like they say in the 12 step programs, “compare and despair.” For me, comparing myself to others has been what brings me down, so I try to keep a lid on that. I also try to never use the word “should” with my partner, as in “you should . . .” I got that idea when we were first dating. He’d seen an essay I’d written for The Humanist where I bemoaned my use of “should” with a client and told me that’s when he knew I was right for him.

Many thanks for this positive and uplifting post, Kris. You’ve made me and many others feel good about themselves.