Wrestling with Time

Time doesn’t seem to be on my side, but I keep trying to wrestle it over here as if it’s a new puppy and I can make it behave. Last month, I started working for myself as a writer, something I’ve planned and saved for since I was (much) younger than I am now. I imagined all the time in the world opening up to me if I didn’t have a day job, and all the progress I’d make on my writing projects.

But decades of working day jobs created a habit of writing at odd hours: early mornings, nights, and weekends. Breaking from that pattern has not been easy, even though I expected to have nights and weekends free now that I’m only working one job. Alas, I’ve felt like a failure already — working at odd hours still, and not making enough headway.

Like many people, I squander time on social media, mindless eating, and passive entertainment. When I’ve squandered enough, I get resentful when those I love interrupt my thoughts. As if those people (and dogs) are the cause of my fribbling. Harrumphing at my beloved partner and our pets is no solution. If I keep blaming my darlings, I’ll end up an isolated old lady who still hasn’t learned to manage her time.

So I turned to Auntie Google for info on time management strategies. The strategy I settled on for this month — a time tracker — brought me back to my days as a lawyer keeping track of billable hours. I’m not billing anyone; I’m trying to learn where my time is going. Here’s a screen shot of my time tracker for the week: